Passive Aggression

I am passive aggressive, I accept that about myself. When you get mad at me, I'm more likely to be snide, or play dumb, just to make you more angry. When I get mad at you, I'm more likely to act sugary sweet, either to piss you off or to trap you into a false sense of security before I pounce.

I have a lot of friends who have been angry at me, at one time or another. My favorite is the time my best friend, Dave and I got into a cursing argument at Columbia Mall, in front of Boardwalk Fries (Mamma Iliardo's?). Anyway, it was definitely the food court. We were on a day off from camp. At camp, you try to make a day off feel like a week off, so you fit in all of these things you want to do. Then, you're with four or five other people, so you try to do the things they want to do as well. It doesn't work, and people get frustrated.

Dave got frustrated. He had a right to be frustrated, I was only concerned with spending time with my girlfriend, Dave just wanted to do laundry, or something mundane. So, in the middle of the mall, Dave starts yelling about how I just wanted to hook up, and I didn't care about anyone else. He didn't use the words "hook up," though, he used words like "fuck" and "screw" and embarrassed the hell out of the girl behind the counter, who got her manager to ask us to leave. We were just as embarrassed.

I probably have similar anecdotes for a dozen people on my friends list. That number should be higher, but one of my friends disappeared recently. I think I was removed as a friend. That concept staggers me. Someone hated me enough to go through the effort of removing me. I am no longer receiving regular updates about this person's blog. I can still see her profile, her pictures. I can still read her blog, I just don't get the updates. Some of you are probably removing me as friends right now, just so you don't have to get my updates.

But I would never remove any of you. Charlene, my ex-girlfriend, who lives half a country away and who I may never see again, I wouldn't remove. Amye, who I knew so briefly while I worked at an in-between job in between jobs, I am honored that she accepted me as a friend. Yong, I lived with for a year in a suite of 7 guys, and when I ran into him on the street in New York, I couldn't remember his name. Even worse, I got him mixed up with a guy who lived downstairs from me, David Hwang, so I almost called Yong Hwang. We were outside a sushi restaurant. I thought Yong was meeting people he knew, and I asked if he knew people there. I think he interpreted what I said to mean "do you know the people who run this place," as if all Japanese people know each other. Yong is Korean, by the way. I was worried I must have looked like such a racist bastard. Then, I got his phone number, but I forgot to hit 'store' on my phone, so I ended up losing it. I was sure he thought I just blew him off, but then he accepted me as his friend here on friendster. I always liked Yong, he has a great sense of humor and told some of the funniest stories I ever heard. There was one about his Vice Principal at a urinal . . .

My long absence from school was difficult for my colleagues. Some of them were more burdened than others. Some of them took it better than others. A couple of my colleagues didn't even welcome me back to school. A couple of them are still angry, but I'm unwilling to apologize for my absence. I'm unwilling to apologize for the somewhat random way my principal seemed to doll out responsibility in my absence, based more on availability than willingness or ability. Shit happens, people need to get over it. I have a compound fracture held together by titanium and no chance of walking in time to interview for a new job next year. I have bigger things to worry about than petty arguments, or the petty people who make them. To stop talking to me is asinine. To remove me as a friend without mentioning anything to me is just plain passive aggressive. I can accept that.

Comments

[David]

That sucks man, but you are probably doing the right thing. You are out there soon enough.

By the way, the 'mundane thing' I wanted to do was get back to camp so that I myself could hook up. In retrospect and all things considered, I probably should have done my laundry...